Not Loving Lyme

Two weeks ago I was scrambling about trying to get costumes sewn for a Regency Ball. Now life is quite different. About a week ago it became very clear that the flu-like symptoms plus jaw pain I had been feeling for a couple days were not hormonal after all. After talking to my doctor, we decided what I was experiencing was likely Lyme Disease from an unseen tick bite. She called in a prescription, and I started the antibiotic right away.

The next day, we found the telltale sign-- the bull's-eye rash-- in a place I never would have seen that tiny, old tick! Later the headache pain was so bad that my husband took me to the emergency room where just about every test was performed-- from COVID to spinal tap to x-rays and beyond! The only test that showed bad stuff was the Lyme test. The nice staff gave me a bag of fluids and some pain medication which helped so I could sleep that night. I came home and slept. 

Two days later, I started feeling some weird stuff going on in the right side of my face. Twitches. More pains. A little numbness. This was one Lyme symptom I really hoped would bypass me-- facial paralysis.

Day 1 of facial paralysis

My eyes were not blinking normally, and I couldn't smile. Since then, the paralysis is worse. I can't make it look like a smile no matter how hard I try! (If you want to see me smile, cover up that droopy side of my face.)

Today's "smile"--much droopier face!

The paralyzed right side of my face produces a good deal of nerve pain. Chewing is painful, talking is painful, lots of light and sound are painful. I'm learning new ways of eating and drinking. I'm trying not to frighten my children. I avoid laughing (because it hurts!). Brushing teeth is interesting. And talking is purely functional for necessities to my family, so if you call, please don't be offended if I can't talk. I'm sorry that the children don't always give out good information, so I'll try to post updates from time to time. BUT looking at screens for very long isn't easy, and did I mention it's nearly impossible for me to read, too?

So what have I been up to? Well, I'm pretty tired most of the time, so I'm usually in my darkened bedroom sleeping or just resting away from sound and light. I also slowly eat my (often ground into mush) meals with a baby spoon so my antibiotics won't upset my stomach.

My friend Marti reminded me (literally as my face was becoming paralyzed) that I didn't have all those other things I was testing for: I didn't have a brain tumor, I didn't have fatal meningitis, I didn't have a brain aneurysm. I have a treatable disease. For that I am thankful to God (and to Marti for the reminder).

And as always, there's a silver lining to this cloud: I'm losing some weight :) And praying. And resting. And trusting God that all will be well. 

At supper this evening, I complained, "This is NOT how I wanted to spend my summer!" My son said, "There's a song about that!" Then he grabbed his phone and played for me the Minions' version of a Rolling Stones' tune:  "You Can't Always Get What You Want." Thanks, son.

Please, please, please read about Lyme Disease and its symptoms. Those tiny ticks are so small that even when they are in more visible places, they are hard to see! But if you can recognize the symptoms (and there are soooo many of them) without looking only for a bull's-eye rash (because it isn't always there!), you can get treatment early so that it doesn't become a chronic issue. Please do this for your own health and for the health of those you love.

And I've written about our experiences with Lyme Disease before here and here and here. 

Gratitude List 2019

I need an attitude adjustment. The holiday season begins this week, and instead of facing it with a pumpkin spice latte in one hand and a frosted sugar cookie in the other, I’m dreading the whole thing. You see, my mother passed away in September.

Those of you who have lost a mother will likely understand the difficulty of putting into words how I’ve felt since then. It’s an actual physical ache somewhere near my heart that only goes away fully with sleep. Who would have guessed that every last thing in the world reminds me of my mother and my loss and my sorrow?

But that’s not what Thanksgiving is about. Enter my old and neglected friend, my yearly gratitude list. Maybe a little gratitude can change my attitude. I’ll give it a try for 2019.

I’m grateful that my daughter thinks it is disgusting when people bite their toenails. That my son thinks technology is interesting and fun; you should see the the digital doohickeys he creates for my online shop. That another son attempts to keep me on track at the Friday night auctions so I don’t do something stupid like accidentally bid on rusty old c-clamps. 

I’m grateful for little boys who whisper big dreams of playing in the NFL before drifting off to sleep. I think I’m thankful that diaper days are over. And for my “baby” who at the age of four can do so many big-girl things on her own but who still wants me to help her sometimes. Being needed feels good.

I’m thankful when people apologize to those they hurt, even when the hurt was accidental. Sincere apologies do make a difference.

I’m grateful for Jane Austen’s novels that I binge-read this summer; if I had read them in junior high, I would’ve ditched New Kids on the Block for Mr. Darcy and Mr. Knightley. Also I’m grateful for my lovely oldest daughter who encourages me to watch movies based on Austen’s novels.

I’m grateful for my mother-in-law’s homemade tomato soup which she continues to make for others despite the fact that eating tomato products puts blisters in her mouth. For dark chocolate, for Earl Grey tea, for freshly ground coffee, and for any friend (or stranger) who supplies me with these indulgences.

I am thankful for emu oil and arch supports because arthritic feet are no fun.

The organist at our church has considerable skills; you should hear her play on Reformation Sunday! I’m thankful God gifted our congregation with her talents. And I’m thankful for my son’s beautiful singing voice; his strength of both voice and spirit lifted me up in some of my darkest hours.  Also for my youngest children who flock to me when I cry; how can concerned, loving little faces attached to hugging arms not bring joy?

For my sisters, I give thanks. Without them I’d feel so alone because only they understand my sadness completely. For Daddy who cared for my mother’s needs so well as her health failed. And for my mother because she taught us all how to love each other.

I’m thankful for the man who organizes all my messes, who entertains the children by playing video games when I need a nap, and who doesn’t flinch when I wipe my tears and my nose on his shirt. And babies! My niece is having one tomorrow, and I’m ecstatically thankful; every mourning family should have a new baby.

Mostly I’m thankful for a loving Father from whom all of these blessings flow. I sincerely wish for you all a happy Thanksgiving.

***********************************

My Thanksgiving rolls are rising!

That gratitude list was long overdue. This recipe is years overdue; it’s been hanging on my kitchen cupboard since the last time I wrote a newspaper column. My friend from church shared it with me, and it is a versatile one—suitable for any holiday get-together. 

Quick Fruit Dessert

1 cup butter or margarine

1 1/2 cups sugar

4 eggs

1 tsp. almond extract

2 cups all purpose flour

2 tsp. baking powder

1 can fruit filling

Cream together the butter and sugar. Add eggs and beat until light and fluffy. Mix in the almond extract. Next mix in the flour and baking powder.

Butter a 9 x 13 inch cake pan and pour or turn mixture into pan. Spoon in the pie filling in 6 to 16 spots on top of mixture. 

Bake at 350℉ for 30 to 35 minutes or when none of the flour mixture comes out when you insert a toothpick. You may top this dessert with powdered sugar.

Recipe note: You may use only 2 eggs if that’s all you have, and either homemade or store-bought fruit filling will work. You may also add more flour if the consistency seems off.

**This column was printed in the November 27, 2019, issue of the Hancock News.

Five on Friday

1.  Things Kids Say, Part 1. After reading a fairytale ending picture book (at the got married and lived happily ever after part), my 4-year-old said, "I would punch him in the stomach!"

Surprised, I asked, "Why? Don't you want to get married when you're older?"

Her reply was, "When I get married, it will be to somebody who is nice and kind and drinks coffee with me!"

I can't say I don't agree with her.*

2.  Things Kids Say, Part 2. Let's go to the other end of the age spectrum. Overheard recently, "Great! My least favorite-- negative cosines!"

I can't say I don't agree with him, too.*

3.  Misheard Lyrics. I found out Sunday night, thanks to the display on our van's dash, that The Marshall Tucker Band sings the song "Heard It in a Love Song"-- which I always thought was "Purdy Little Love Song."

I was inexplicably so let down, disappointed, etc.

4. Black Beauty.  Although I used to watch the old tv series on Nickelodeon early in the morning when I was a kid, I'd never read the book. Since we own it, I thought several years ago I might use it as a read aloud, but somewhere on the great internet I read how snooze-worthy it was. It remained untouched by me until we chose it as a homeschool book club pick.

This week I picked up the book and enjoyed it. Was it my favorite book? No. Was it a little bit preachy? Yes. But still, it was enjoyable.

5. Random Picture. Because I think I'll never catch up on what I want to post on this blog, I'll throw in a random picture that's been waiting on the desktop.

Amazing lightning storm in summer

*Yes, these are things I wanted to share with my mother. I am so used to grabbing the phone when the kids say or do cute things. I don't think I'll be saying this with every blog post because 1) you'll think I'm depressed, 2) I want to focus on a few things that aren't tinged with sadness, and 3) it will get old real quick-- BUT there's a whole lot of sadness blanketed over everything for me right now. If I'm not missing my mother, I'm missing our dog Calvin. 

Sheesh. I can't stand it when life throws the bad things at you so fast. It was about 17 years ago that both of my grandmothers passed away on two consecutive days. Throw in a couple more deaths that year, and it was just no fun. 

So why am I telling you all this? Well, I guess I know life goes on. Somehow God will carry me through it all and fill me up with joy. Eventually. If you're in a similar situation in your life, hang in there; He won't fail us.

She Was the Best Mom

Last week my mother died. I'm not certain I really feel like writing much about it yet. September has been a blur of hospital, hospice, and loss.

And birthdays. September is always birthdays for us.

Birthday craziness

In the midst of death, life keeps marching on. I am trying to find my footing without this lovely lady.

I am thankful for many things during this time. My faith. Her faith. Family by birth. Family by baptism. Sleep. Kind words and cards. Silly children. Steadfast husband. Distracting birthdays. Pictures on the computer so I don't have to dig through shoeboxes.

I am thankful that I have no doubt whatsoever about what my mother felt about me. We were on good terms, and I have no "mommy issues."

My sweet little mommy loved me!

It is an understatement to say that I loved her and that my heart is breaking for missing her. 

If you can, give your own mother a hug or card or chocolate; you won't regret it ever.

He Was a Good Dog

Good Morning, Sunshine!

I've felt overwhelmed lately. Twenty-four hours simply isn't enough. I had grand blog schemes to chronicle our Big Trip Out West. I have about 40,000 other pictures I wanted to share. So much has been happening, and not the least of these happenings is three deaths in my family in four months. Happenings and deaths deplete my reserves.

Yesterday was hard for me. Yesterday was the viewing/visitation for my cousin's son. He was young, and I keep remembering his smile and his twinkling eyes. Who is ever ready for the death of somebody who should have been attending your own funeral?

But then, I looked outside this morning.

Isn't it funny how God knew best exactly what would cheer me up? (Silly me thought I just needed some chocolate!) 

TBTOW-Day 5

July 5, 2018
Starting point: Defiance, Ohio
Destination: Tomah, Wisconsin
Song of the Day: "I'm Going to Go Back There Someday" by the Muppets

We listened to our song of the day as we pulled out of the driveway at Grandma's house. This day was to be my biggest adventure; my first overnight solo travel with many children. Day 5 was all about the driving. We needed to cover the miles to bridge the gap between us and Daddy. The Big Trip Out West proper wouldn't really begin until we reunited with our family at the close of the Higher Things conference.

My navigator in this adventure was my 2nd oldest son, the 12-year-old. He was in charge of maps and GPS. He was the supplier of toll money. He handed me food and drink. And, most importantly, he was in charge of the tunage.

He also kept me amused. We have an essential oil diffuser clipped to a vent on the dashboard to help the carsick-prone folks not vomit. At one point, my son looks at it and asks, "Can we put Hoppe's #9 in this thing?" Can you guess I live in a house of hunters?

The navigator also had to take some pictures.

You can see we drove through Chicago. We also enjoyed cool rock formations in Wisconsin. 

When we arrived at Cranberry Country Lodge in Tomah, the kids couldn't wait to play in the swimming pool area (it had slides!). However, it was too close to suppertime, and we would be eating out. Denny's was across the street, and somehow I made it through a sit-down dinner at a restaurant with little ones who had mostly been confined to carseats all day. 

When we returned to the hotel, we changed clothes and headed to the pool. Folks, it was not fun to take several non-swimming children to a pool without Daddy. It doesn't help that without glasses I can't see very far to supervise the children who can swim (though not super-strongly). Yet I managed. It might not have been pretty, but I survived. I'm thankful I had a couple of bigger kids to help.

We settled in for the night with some over-tired children who missed Daddy and home. During the chaos of getting ready for bed, however, I called to reassure my mother that we made it to our destination safely and learned that Uncle Jim had died that morning. In all the excitement surrounding bedtime, I decided to wait to tell the children until we were with Daddy again. 

To be honest, at the end of the day and when all the children were finally asleep, I was proud of myself for managing, but I was terribly sad.